The Red Hot Chili Peppers = Sad, Sad Band

Kurt Cobain's death.

The rise of Puff Daddy as a major artist.

Metallica's dogmatic campaign against Napster.

Disappointing musical events, sure, but nothing like the most disappointing event of the last 25 years:

The gradual suckification of the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

You know how when you haven't seen someone familiar for a long time and you don't have a picture of them? Or when someone has died? Often, you find it hard to remember what they looked like. When this happens, it is as startling as the movies make it seem; you literally can't believe that your mind is so weak that you can't retain the image of someone who was once so dear to you.

This is what has happened to the Red Hot Chili Peppers. It is becoming harder and harder to remember what it was like when these jokers were good.

These are the guys who made Freaky Styley, The Uplift Mofo Party Plan, Mother's Milk, and Blood Sugar Sex Magik, after all! Flea was easily one of the most talented bassists of his generation, and the music these guys put out rawked balls. Now, everything they release is a cause to cringe. My soul cries out in rage every time I hear one of their songs, because it is flat-out impossible that this once-excellent band can suck so hard.

Hell, I remember one summer listening to Mother's Milk with my two youngest siblings, Matthew and Ashley. They were very young, and they would bounce on the bed while we listened to "Magic Johnson." For fun, I would grab one of them and play them like a guitar, tickling them at the same time. They would snicker guiltily when Anthony Kiedis sang, "...and if I can't make you dance/I guess I'll just have to make you piss your pants!" and I wouldn't tell on them, because, damnit, it was great.

But then everything started coming apart, and I think it was when "Under the Bridge" was released as a single (I know, this song was on Blood Sugar Sex Magik, but it didn't fit and you know it). Don't get me wrong, they started selling oodles of records, and they were dominant in the extreme. However, anyone who equates commercial success with musical integrity or competence in every case doesn't get music.

Soon, "Aeroplane" was out, and then came "Californication," along with a constant stream of songs that were devoid of everything that the Chili Peppers had built. Their songs had nothing of the fire that burned red hot (uh-huh, I said it) in their bellies. They were no longer edgy, or dangerous, or anything else that embodied them or the movement of which they were the central focus. Sure, they were commercial giants, but so is Rob Thomas, and isn't it a law that he sucks?

The Chili Peppers seem oblivious. They still run around onstage with their shirts off, unaware that you can't be raw enough to perform with your shirt off when what is coming out of the speakers is processed crap like "Dani California" or "Stadium Arcadium." Anthony Kiedis still poses and gyrates like he is still rocking out like he used to, not knowing that he used to forcibly tell you what you wanted to hear. Now, he just sings it to you like he's trying to channel Luther Vandross or something. It's revolting and I wish they would stop.

Part of me wants the old Chili Peppers back, but most of me has given up on them and holds a grudge for the damage they have done to their own good name. They have treated their craft with grave disrespect, and it would be mighty hard for me to forgive them. Of course, I don't think they will ever give us anything good again.

Cynical, I guess, but we are talking about the greatest musical disappointment in the last 25 years.